I have spent the last eight months dealing with Infant Pluperfect Emesis (A term I made up* to describe a baby who you think you have burped and then they surprises you, when you think you are totally safe, by puking all over you.)
Let me detail some of the signs for you so you can diagnose it when you see it:
- You will smell that curdled milk smell emanating from the affected child and mother, particularly the hair. One can only take so many showers in a day, especially when one has an infant.
- You will notice a large number of burp cloths strewn around the affected child and it’s habitat.
- A carpet/upholstery cleaner remaining in the main living area for long periods of time is evidence of frequent attempts to clean up the mess off multiple surfaces.
- The mother will likely startle at odd noises or sudden moves, especially emanating from the infant.
- The startling will often be accompanied by lunging towards the child.
You will have noticed this if you have been around me any time in the last eight months.
*When I say I made up the term I mean that I got some Latin words that refer to what I mean and stuck them together.